FUTURE TEACHER

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Cast:

Headteacher – Mary.

Miss Destine – Fiona.

Mr Prior (a parent) - Dom.

 

 The headteacher sits behind a desk and rises as Mr Prior enters. They shake hands.

Headteacher:   Mr Prior, lovely to meet you. Please take a seat. Tea? Coffee? 

Mr Prior: No, thank you.

Headteacher: And what can I help you with today?

Mr Prior: I would like to make a complaint.

Headteacher: A complaint? I’m very sorry to hear that.

Mr Prior: Yes. 

Headteacher: And what is the complaint about?

Mr Prior: My daughter’s teacher.

Headteacher: You’re Maisie Prior's father, aren’t you? She’s in Miss Destine’s class, isn’t she?

Mr Prior: Miss Destine. Yes. That’s the one. 

Headteacher: What seems to be the problem Mr Prior? 

Mr Prior: Maisie has been coming home with all sorts of impossible ideas, and it’s been very upsetting for me and for her mother.

Headteacher: I’m so sorry to hear that Mr Prior. As a school we pride ourselves on the happiness of our students.  Miss Destine is one of our best teachers and I’m sure she would be very upset to hear that one of her brightest and best pupils has been upset in her class.  

Mr Prior: Well, that’s the thing.

Headteacher: ‘The thing’ Mr Prior?

Mr Prior: Well, Maisie hasn’t been upset at all.

Headteacher: I see. 

Mr Prior: It’s just that our daughter is becoming more and more impossible to live with.

Headteacher: Right.

Mr Prior: Because of what she’s being taught at school. 

Headteacher: I do apologise, Mr Prior, but I’m not quite understanding the issue here. Are you saying that Maisie is becoming problematic at home because of her learning at school? 

Mr Prior: Yes. Yes, I am.

Headteacher: Hmm. Could you give me an example of this please? 

Mr Prior: Well, she won’t get in a car anymore. Not to go anywhere. She’s completely dug up the back garden to make a water recycling plant and she’s just renamed the dog Laika Mushka Malyshka Damka Krasavka, only to be addressed by her full name at all times. Poor Nala doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going.

Headteacher: Mr Prior I think I can explain.

Mr Prior: You can?

Headteacher: Yes. It’s just that Miss Destine is a ‘future teacher’ It can take a little getting used to.

Mr Prior: Future teacher?

Headteacher: Yes. Future teacher.

Mr Prior: What exactly is that then?

Headteacher: Unfortunately, I’m unable to explain any more about Future Teachers unless you sign an NDA.

Mr Prior: Unless I do what?

Headteacher: Unless you are able to sign a non-disclosure agreement. An NDA.

Mr Prior: An NDA. In a primary school? You’re asking me to sign an NDA to find out more about a teacher who teaches my 10-year-old daughter.  What is going on here?

Headteacher: I’m very sorry Mr Prior. I wish it wasn’t the case but unfortunately there is some information that needs to be protected here.

Mr Prior: This isn’t normal. Is it?

Headteacher: No. It’s not. And it is your prerogative not to sign but then I’m unable to explain which would be a terrible shame because I think it would put your mind at ease and help you to understand the importance of Maisie’s classroom experience.

Mr Prior: What?

Headteacher: And you are, of course, very welcome to request your child’s removal from that class or this school altogether. Totally up to you. 

Mr Prior: But I just came to complain…I don’t want to take her out of school. She’s only just got settled here Maisie loves school and her friends and we only live over the road.

Headteacher: Good to hear. Maybe you could sign the NDA then?

Mr Prior: (Coming round) Do I need a lawyer to sign it?

Headteacher: Absolutely not. It’s very straightforward. 

Mr Prior: Right. 

 

Headteacher puts a document and pen in front of him.

 

Headteacher: Let me just get Ms Destine while you give it a read.

 

Headteacher leaves to call Miss Futura then quickly returns.  Mr Prior mumbles over the NDA. Ad libs: Ridiculous, they’ll do what? This is crazy etc etc, but he signs it.

 

Headteacher: She’s on her way. Oh, and you’ve signed. Thank you. You won’t regret it. 

Mr Prior: Right then. Please can I have an explanation now. 

Headteacher: So, back in 1999 teachers developed a method of time travel.

Mr Prior: They did what?

Headteacher: Developed time travel. Mainly as a manner of coping with the introduction of Literacy Hour, increasing workload, curriculum changes, all sorts of impossible directives from the government etc, etc.

Mr Prior: I’m sorry?

Headteacher: It was the only way they could find the time really.

Mr Prior: Is this a joke?

Headteacher: No, it’s not a joke. It was essential. If teachers went back in time, just for a few hours then they gave themselves the opportunity to complete their workloads. Without it they were drowning in paperwork and just unable to teach. 

Mr Prior: This can’t be true.

Headteacher: I assure you it is. At first, they time travelled backwards for a few hours, then for a few days and the ability was disseminated amongst other teachers. We all got rather good at it. 

Mr Prior: I…um…er….

Headteacher: And then one teacher broke the barrier and started traveling forwards in time rather than back. Are you still with me?

Mr Prior: I think so…

Headteacher: She made contact with some teachers in the future and brought them back with her. 

Mr Prior: F…uture…. Teachers….

Headteacher: Yes. Exactly. You’ve got it. And here she is. Miss Destine welcome.

 

Miss Destine enters the room and shakes Mr Prior's hand.

 

Miss Destine: Lovely to meet you. I am very much enjoying getting to know Maisie. 

Headteacher: Ms Futura I’ve just been explaining ‘the situation’ to Mr Prior and he’s taking a moment to absorb.

Miss Destine: Ah. I see. It is a lot isn’t it? Not what you’d expect as a parent really. 

Mr Prior: There’s just been some...umm…difficulties at home.

Miss Destine: What sort of difficulties Mr Prior?

Mr Prior: She won’t get in a car. At all.

Miss Destine: Ah. Yes, that becomes a common problem. 

Mr Prior: And she’s renamed the dog some weird Russian names.

Miss Destine: Well, I can explain that.

Mr Prior: You can?

Miss Destine: In the future there is reparation made to all animals that have ever been harmed by people.  

Mr Prior: What? But that’s impossible. There are trillions of animals.

Miss Destine: Sadly, not in the future there’s not. Not many left at all. Apart from insects.

Mr Prior: Insects?

Miss Destine: Yes, we eat them.

Mr Prior: That’s disgusting. But…But… But why has she renamed the dog?

Miss Destine: After the poor Russian street dogs who died after being sent up into space. We’re studying them at the moment in the module on history and unnecessary space exploration. 

Mr Prior: But I thought space travel is the way forward. What about Elon Musk and his space travel for the everyday man.

Headteacher: Elon Musk? Shall I tell him, or shall you?

Miss Destine: Go on…

Headteacher: Russian Spy Lizard Man.

Mr Prior: (Considering) Yeah, actually that makes sense. 

.

Miss Destine: Mr Prior, your daughter has been selected to be educated by Future Teachers preparing the way for a brighter future. As adults her generation will be living the dream. Without this preparation human life will not comfortably survive. 

Mr Prior: But….

Headteacher: But what?

Mr Prior: But we don’t want her renaming the dog and refusing to eat meat. I don’t want to buy her a loom for her birthday. She’s dug up the entire garden. There’s a wind farm on the roof for Christ’s sake.  Couldn’t you just do some reading, or writing or maths?  

Miss Destine: No point.

Mr Prior: No point in reading or writing? This is a school! You’re a school. 

Miss Destine: Cerebral implants will send information straight into your memory banks. You’ll think it, it’ll arrive, you’ll know it as if you’ve always known it. 

Headteacher: Wonderful.

Mr Prior: PE, woodwork, art, sex education.

Miss Destine: Personal training programmes run by bodily implants, AI to create whatever you desire, and no sex required.

Mr Prior: What?

Headteacher: Well, once everyone did away with gender, they realised that touching was the root of most problems in society.

Miss Destine: Think about it. Fingers on big red buttons. Palms slapping bottoms. Tiny hands forced to work. It made sense to do away with touching.

Mr Prior: So now I’m not even allowed to hug my own child?

Headteacher: Well, no one’s touched me for a very long time and I’m perfectly fine without it thank you very much. 

Miss Destine: I know it’s a lot to take in, but your child is chosen to lead the way. 

Headteacher: To a future that will enable the survival of the human race to live the dream.

Mr Prior: But it’s not exactly living the dream now, is it?

Headteacher: No. I can see that.

Mr Prior: With my Russian named dog and dug up back garden.

Headteacher: I think it’s a price worth paying.

Miss Destine: Especially now we are encountering the Lizard Men.

Mr Prior: The what? 

Headteacher: Damn, I thought we’d got away with that.

Mr Prior: What Lizard Men? I thought you were joking when you mentioned Elon Musk was a Lizard Man. Actual Lizard man?

Headteacher: (sighs) So, Mr Prior. (Pause) I’m going to need you to sign another NDA.